Short answer from Ben, the Family IT Guy
I'd look at what my child needs to do and what they're prepared to use. For calls and texts to family, a watch or a basic phone may be enough. If a smartphone is needed, I'd set it up to allow only the functions my child needs.
What does your child need a device for?
When my son asked me what age he could get a phone, I told him it's not based on age, it's based on need. I'd consider a device when our family agrees there's something he needs to do that he can't already do another way.
For example, your child might need to call you while getting to and from school or practice, or while moving between two households. I'd start with that specific need, then consider the device that would meet it.
If the request is for one app, such as a team or school chat, I'd try running that app on my own phone first. That may meet the need without giving my child a phone.
What would your child be allowed to use?
A smartphone can make calls, send messages, take pictures, run apps and open websites. I'd decide which of those my child needs and keep the rest turned off. Having a phone for calls to family doesn't require giving them access to the camera, a web browser or social media.
I'd also choose who they can contact. Calls and texts to family serve a different purpose from texting friends throughout the day. I'd talk with my child about what we're giving them the device for before setting up their contact list.
Preparing for a phone with a camera
A child can take a picture on a phone and use a messaging app to send it to someone else. Before giving them a phone with a camera, I'd want them to understand the risks of sharing private images and how to respond if someone pressures them.
Sextortion is when someone threatens to share a nude or sexual image of a child unless the child sends more images or pays money. I'd talk through specific situations with my child and ask what they would do. The conversation would cover:
- Never sharing private photos, including nude or sexual images, even with someone they think they know.
- Being suspicious of a new contact who shows romantic interest quickly.
- Telling a trusted adult right away if anyone makes them uncomfortable or asks for photos.
- Knowing that paying the person threatening them doesn't make the threats stop.
If my child isn't ready to talk about those situations, I'd wait before giving them a phone with a camera, even if I plan to turn the camera off.
Phone and watch options
I'd consider both the functions my child needs and the controls I want. Parental controls let you limit which apps or contacts a child can use. Message monitoring looks for possible problems in their conversations and alerts you.
A basic phone or Light Phone
If your child only needs calls and texts, and you don't need to see their location, I'd consider a basic phone built mainly for those jobs. A Light Phone is a brand of simpler phones that can also offer a few selected tools, such as directions. Some simpler phones have cameras too, so I'd check what the particular model can do before choosing it.
An Apple Watch for calls and location
If your child needs to call and text you, and you want to see their location, I'd start by considering an Apple Watch. A cellular model with a mobile phone plan lets a child use it when they're away from you. You need an iPhone to set it up, but your child doesn't need their own iPhone.
My son uses an Apple Watch that we've set up to allow calls and texts only with a short list of family contacts. We can see each other's location. It has no camera, and its small screen makes it harder to mindlessly scroll. He also plays music from his watch to a speaker.
When he asked to add a friend from across the street, my wife and I said no. We gave him the watch to communicate with family, and texting friends would change what it was for. He can see that friend in person.
A Bark Phone for controls and message alerts
A Bark Phone is a smartphone with parental controls and message monitoring built in. I'd consider it if you want a simpler setup and tamper-proof parental controls, which your child can't change or remove. You can limit calls and texts to contacts you approve and choose which apps your child can use. If its monitoring finds possible bullying or predatory messages, it sends you an alert.
Its monitoring works with supported chat apps, including WhatsApp. WhatsApp encrypts messages, which keeps them private as they travel between phones. The messages can still be read on the phone itself, which allows Bark to monitor them.
I'd still follow my Bark Phone setup guide before giving the phone to your child. The built-in controls need to be set for what you want your child to be able to do.
An iPhone set up with parental controls
An iPhone is another option if your child needs apps or tools that a watch or basic phone can't provide. I'd start with only the functions we've chosen, with the camera, new app downloads and web browsing blocked. I'd also make the screen black and white to make the phone less appealing to scroll on. Setting up an iPhone this way takes work; I wouldn't hand it over with its usual settings.
For a simpler screen, a setting called Assistive Access can show just a few large buttons for the apps you've chosen, such as phone, maps and a first-aid app. I teach the iPhone setup in my iPhone Parental Controls Masterclass.
Message monitoring on an iPhone is a separate, optional addition. Bark offers a monitoring service that can be used with Bark Sync, a charger that scans the phone's texts, photos, videos, notes and voice memos over your home Wi-Fi while it charges. It requires a Bark subscription. You get alerts about possible problems, such as bullying or predatory messages, instead of having to read every message yourself.
Bark's iPhone monitoring can't see activity inside Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Discord or Roblox. I'd consider which apps my child uses before paying for this monitoring. You can see Bark's phone and monitoring options. Bark is a paid partner.
Using the device and adding more
A communication device needs to be available when your child needs to reach you. I'd choose a well-made device, protect a phone with a case and keep it charged. My son's watch lives in two places: on its charger or on his wrist. That helps him keep track of it.
I wouldn't take the communication device away as a punishment, because my child and I still need a way to reach each other.
I'd want my child to know they can come to me if they make a mistake or receive a message that makes them uncomfortable. If kids learn that curiosity gets punished, they don't stop being curious. They stop telling you.
When my child's needs change, I'd consider one change at a time, such as allowing a new app. My child and I would review how they're using that app before I allowed anything else.
Some access can be temporary. If my child needs the camera for something I've approved, I can turn it on for that use and turn it off again when they're done.
If I allowed texting with friends, I'd agree with my child on times for checking messages and putting the phone away. On a Bark Phone, for example, you can schedule when approved friends can call or text. Mark family members as emergency contacts to keep them reachable outside those times, and leave the Messages app allowed so family texts still work. The schedule controls when texting is available; my child would still need to learn when to put the phone down.
I wouldn't give a child social media. A smartphone can still be useful for the calls, messages and other tools your family has chosen.