Short answer from Ben, the Family IT Guy
It's not based on age, it's based on need. I'd ask what my child needs to do and talk through the risks of the device or app with them.
When adding apps or functions to a device, I'd make one change at a time and watch how my child uses it before adding another.
What are you facing right now?
- A phoneFor calls and texts to family, a watch or a basic phone may be enough.
- Social mediaI think social media is like the meth of the digital world.
- Games and in-game chatI start by asking how the company behind the game makes money.
- AI chatbotsFor now, I wouldn't introduce AI to a child who isn't already exposed to it.
Also in this guide
- When your child says "everyone has one"Saying "no" or "not yet" can be a deliberate trade-off you make to protect your child's safety and mental health.
- I gave my child a phone or tablet. Now I’m having second thoughts.If your child already has a phone, game or app you're worried about, you can change your family's approach.
Devices at bedtime
This one isn't a readiness step. I don't wait for a child to be ready to sleep without a phone. In our house the boundary is for everyone, adults included: no internet in bedrooms overnight.
Why. Late at night kids are tired. Their emotions are louder, their judgment is worse, and their impulse control is weaker. That's the wrong moment for a private device in a private room, with group chats, bullies, strangers, feeds and pornography one tap away. Devices in bedrooms also cut into sleep.
What I recommend.
- Everything that connects to the internet charges in a common area overnight: phones, tablets, school laptops, watches and gaming devices.
- If someone needs an alarm, use an alarm clock. For music or white noise, use something that doesn't connect to the internet.
- Start with your own bedroom. When my wife and I moved our phones out of ours, the first night felt like being on vacation. Then move the kids' devices, so it's a family boundary and not a punishment.
See our family charging station setup. I use a Lumie Bodyclock Glow 150, and my son uses a JALL sunrise alarm clock.
How I teach my child to use technology
One of the questions I get most from parents is "what age?" What age for a phone, for social media, for the game everyone at school is playing.
When my son asked me what age he could get a phone, I told him it's not based on age, it's based on need. If there's something he needs, that we all agree he needs, and his current device can't do it, we'll look at it then.
For each device or app, I explain what it lets your child do, the risks I'd discuss with them, and what I recommend and why.
I think it starts with us as parents. What's our own relationship with technology, and what are we showing our kids? We can't teach them to manage it if we can't manage it ourselves. I would never ask my kid to limit their screen time if I'm not willing to be transparent about mine.
Start with parental controls that allow only what your child needs. If you decide to allow another app or function, make one change at a time and watch how your child uses it before adding another.
A setting you open doesn't have to stay open. You can keep something closed by default, open it when your child needs it, and close it again when they're done.
Kids need supervised practice making good choices before they leave home. If everything stays locked down until the day they go, they get unrestricted access all at once, and that can lead to poor decisions. So over the years the job shifts from monitoring to mentoring, with fewer controls and more conversations. The exceptions are social media, AI and bedrooms: I wouldn't give a child social media, kids shouldn't use AI alone, and no internet in bedrooms overnight is a boundary for the whole family, adults included.
Two things come up again and again in this guide. Does your child tell you the truth about what happens online? And do they come to you when something feels wrong? If kids learn that curiosity gets punished, they don't stop being curious. They stop telling you.
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