Age-appropriate conversation prompts to help parents discuss online messaging safety with children of different age groups
Talking to kids about online chat safety doesn't have to be awkward or scary. These conversation starters are designed to help you have natural, age-appropriate discussions with your children about staying safe when messaging online.
For each age group, you'll find:
Remember that these conversations should be ongoing rather than one-time talks. Regular check-ins about online safety help establish trust and keep communication open.
At this age, children are just beginning to use messaging apps, often through games or family-oriented platforms. Focus on simple concepts and foundational safety rules.
This helps establish the concept that people online may not be who they say they are, in an age-appropriate way.
"That's an interesting thought. The tricky thing about the internet is that people can pretend to be anyone—even kids your age. That's why we have our family rule about talking to me before chatting with new people online."
This role-playing approach helps children practice safe responses in a comfortable setting.
"That's a good way to handle it. Remember our family rule: we don't share our real names, ages, school names, or where we live with people we meet online. If anyone asks for that information, that's a good time to come talk to me."
This positive framing helps identify what healthy online interactions look like.
"Thank you for telling me about that. You did exactly the right thing by sharing it with me. You'll never be in trouble for telling me about something that happens online, even if you're worried I might be upset."
Children in this age range may be using more sophisticated messaging platforms and encountering more types of online communication. Focus on building critical thinking skills.
This helps them think about cross-platform solicitation, which is a common tactic used by predators.
"Sometimes people who want to send inappropriate messages or content will try to move conversations to apps where parents can't see what they're saying or where there aren't as many safety rules. That's why our family rule is to check with me first before moving conversations to new platforms."
This introduces the concept of appropriate vs. inappropriate content sharing.
"Those are good thoughts. A good rule is that photos showing any areas that would be covered by a swimsuit are private and should never be shared online. Also, even for regular photos of your face or daily activities, it's best to check with me first. If anyone ever sends you photos that make you uncomfortable, please come tell me right away—you won't be in trouble."
This helps build critical analysis skills about relationship dynamics.
"Those are really smart observations. Good online friends respect your boundaries and don't pressure you to share private information. Someone who might not have good intentions often asks a lot of personal questions, tries to make your conversations secret, or makes you feel uncomfortable. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is."
Young teens are navigating more complex social relationships online and may be using messaging apps independently. Focus on peer pressure, relationships, and more nuanced safety concerns.
This opens discussion about different messaging contexts and their dynamics.
"Group dynamics can be tricky to navigate. Remember that you always have the right to step away from conversations that make you uncomfortable. You can say something like 'I don't feel comfortable with this conversation' or simply stop responding. True friends will respect your boundaries."
This addresses a critical safety concern for this age group.
"I appreciate you thinking through this carefully. Our family rule is that if you ever want to meet someone you've only known online, a parent needs to be involved in planning the meeting, it needs to be in a public place, and an adult needs to be present. No exceptions. This is to keep you safe, not because we don't trust your judgment."
This helps them understand online disinhibition effect in an age-appropriate way.
"That's a really insightful observation. When people can't see each other's facial expressions or reactions, they sometimes forget there's a real person on the other end of the conversation. A good rule is to never type something you wouldn't say to someone's face. And remember that the same rule applies to others—someone who seems nice online might act very differently in person."
Older teens need guidance on more mature topics like romantic relationships online, sextortion, and preparing for adult online interactions.
This addresses the important topic of sexting and its potential consequences.
"I understand that relationships and trust are important at your age. The reality is that once an image is sent, you lose control over where it goes. Relationships change, phones get hacked, and accounts get compromised. Beyond the emotional impact, there can be legal consequences since images of minors are considered child sexual abuse material, even if self-created. If you ever feel pressured to share such images, that's a red flag about the relationship itself."
This addresses sextortion and online blackmail, which are increasing concerns for teens.
"This type of situation—often called sextortion—is unfortunately becoming more common. If this ever happens to you or a friend, the most important thing to know is that you should not comply with their demands and you should tell a trusted adult immediately. I promise I will help you navigate the situation without judgment. There are also resources like the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children that can help get content removed."
This encourages teens to think proactively about their own safety strategies as they become more independent.
"Those are excellent strategies. As you become more independent, your online presence will extend into professional and educational contexts. The foundations we've discussed—being cautious about sharing personal information, recognizing manipulation, and trusting your instincts—will serve you well. Remember that it's always okay to reach out for advice, even as an adult."
Ensure your child knows they can come to you with any online situation—even if they've made a mistake—without facing harsh criticism or punishment. This open-door policy is crucial for safety.
When age-appropriate, discuss news stories about online safety issues to make the risks concrete without making it personal. "What do you think about what happened in this situation? What could they have done differently?"
Ask about the apps they use, who they talk to, and what they enjoy about their online interactions. Understanding their digital world helps you provide relevant guidance.
Help them develop the skills to evaluate situations themselves with questions like "How would you know if this person is being truthful?" and "What could the consequences be?"
When appropriate, talk about your own online interactions or challenges you've faced with technology. This normalizes the conversation and shows that everyone needs to think about digital safety.