Meet The Family IT Guy

1. Do Right By People (Golden Rule)

What this means

I try to act in ways I'd be okay with if someone did the exact same thing to me or to my kids.

Why this matters

If I take someone's last slice of pizza without asking, but I'd be upset if they did that to me, that's a sign I'm not being fair. The same goes for how I use people's attention, fears, or lack of information.

How I apply this

• I avoid tactics that depend on confusing people or scaring them into decisions.
• I treat your time and focus as limited resources that shouldn't be wasted.
• When I'm unsure, I imagine a version of me on the other side of the screen and ask, "Would I appreciate and understand this?"

In practice

If a sponsor wants me to use guilt-heavy language like, "If you don't buy this, you're failing your kids," my inner test is, "How would this land on me as a parent?" If it feels like someone is poking my fears instead of informing me, that tells me a lot about whether it fits my values.

2. Truth Over Comfort

What this means

This is my promise to myself that I won't smooth over reality just to make things feel easier. I care more about saying what's real than saying what sounds nice.

Why this matters

If a smoke alarm goes off and you cover your ears, that doesn't put out the fire. Ignoring the warning doesn't make you any safer.

With tech and kids, the "smoke alarm" is things like addictive design, data collection, and sleep loss. If I pretend those aren't there just to keep everyone comfortable, families are more likely to get hurt by them later.

How I apply this

• I try to describe what's actually happening, even when it's inconvenient or scary.
• I look for both sides: where something genuinely helps and where it genuinely hurts.
• I keep a mental line between "this is a fact I'm confident in" and "this is my best guess right now."

In practice

When I look at smartphones in kids' bedrooms, the "comfortable" story is, "It's normal, everybody does it, it's probably fine." My brain doesn't stop there. It asks, "What actually happens to sleep, mental health, mood, and late-night scrolling when a phone is in the room? What are the warning signs here?"

I may not tell anyone what they should do with that information, but I don't want to ignore the warning signs just because they're uncomfortable to acknowledge.

3. Learn Out Loud

What this means

I treat my views as something I might need to redraw later, not as finished products I have to defend forever.

Why this matters

If I draw a map in pencil and the roads change, I can erase and redraw. If I draw with a permanent marker, the map just gets more wrong over time. Tech and kids' lives change fast, so I want my mental maps to be easy to update.

How I apply this

• I expect some of my views to change as I learn more.
• I see new information and feedback as chances to redraw the map, not as attacks.
• I try to keep track of "this is what I think right now, with what I know today."

In practice

When a new kind of tool or law shows up, my internal question is, "Does this change the picture I've been using in my head?" If the answer is yes, I start adjusting that picture instead of defending the old one just because it's familiar.

4. Reality Over Authority

What this means

I care more about what a system actually does in the real world than about who says it's okay, how it's branded, or which stickers are on the box.

Why this matters

If a snack has a big green "healthy choice" sticker but the ingredient list is still mostly sugar and oil, the sticker doesn't change what's inside. Labels and logos don't change reality; they just change how we feel about it.

How I apply this

• I treat laws, titles, and badges as background facts, not as proof that something is good.
• I look at real behavior: what a product collects, what it changes, what it encourages.
• I assume governments, companies, and experts have their own goals that may or may not match mine.

In practice

If a company says, "We're certified and compliant," my next thought is: "Okay, but what actually happens to a child's photos, messages, and location if we use this?" I'm more interested in the behavior of the system than the stickers on the box.

5. Freedom With Non-Transferable Responsibility

What this means

I want real freedom, and that means I accept that, in the end, I'm the one responsible for what happens to me and to my family - even when I use outside help.

Why this matters

If I let someone else hold my backpack for a minute, it's still my stuff inside. If it goes missing, I am still responsible, because I chose to hand it over. It's the same when I lean on schools, apps, or rules: I chose to trust them, so the responsibility never fully leaves me.

How I apply this

• I see companies, experts, and rules as tools I can use, not as people who "take over" my job.
• I assume I am still responsible for what happens to my family, even when others promise safety.
• I treat "this is safe" as a clue to examine, not a reason to stop thinking.

In practice

When I see a "kid-safe" label, my internal reaction isn't "great, done." It's, "Okay, what does their idea of safe mean? What parts are covered, and what parts are still up to us as a family?"

6. Data and Power Are Hazardous Materials

What this means

I treat information about kids and the power to act on that information as something that can cause real damage if it leaks, piles up, or is misused.

Why this matters

Bleach can clean a counter, but you don't drink it and you don't leave the bottle open on the floor. Kids' data is like bleach: in careful, tiny amounts it can help; in big messy piles it can really hurt if the wrong person gets to it.

How I apply this

• I ask: who gets this data, how much, how long they keep it, and what else they do with it.
• I lean toward collecting less, locking it down more, and not keeping it longer than needed.
• I pay attention to whether a setup gives more power to families or to outsiders.

In practice

When I hear about a "smart" toy that listens to kids, my brain starts drawing a little map: "Toy - which company - which servers - which partners." I'm checking whether we're talking about a tiny, sealed bottle of data... or a big open bucket that's easy to spill.

7. Start With What We Control

What this means

When I'm thinking about safety, I start with decisions and habits that are directly in my hands before I spend energy on things I can't change.

Why this matters

At a buffet, the restaurant fills a long table with all kinds of food. I don't control what's on that buffet table. What I do control is what I walk up and put on my plate. My plate is the part that's actually mine.

With family tech, the internet is the buffet table; our home is the plate. The biggest difference usually comes from what we choose to bring onto our own plate first.

How I apply this

• As a parent, my first thoughts are about devices in our home, our routines, and my own habits.
• As a professional, I focus on what I say, what I recommend, and what I attach my name to.
• I look at big systems and policies after I've looked at the things I can personally change.

In practice

When I'm thinking about social media and kids, my mind doesn't jump first to "What should companies or governments do?" It starts with "What's already on our family's plate - what devices we have, how they're used in our house, and what behaviors we're modeling in front of our kids?"